Trik's Gulch

Prologue

"The sex scenes [involving myself] are hard to watch. Only because - it's strange to see your private parts that big.”  -- Jenna Jameson

"Mine really are that big." -- Trik

Hi All!

Hey, I'm still alive.  I was sitting around tonight thinking about things.  My first thought was:

Trik (to himself, and his dog, the Asshat): 

"Hey it's almost Friday!  You know what that means right?  Yep, it's time to worship the most beautiful thing ever created.  The female body!"

Then I wondered if I was being too narrow in my thoughts.  I should think beyond a Friday.  Hell, it happens every 7 days or so. 

Trik (to himself and, well the Asshat went to bed):

"Hey, spring is here in the north and everything is green and freshly cut grass smells so good.  You know what that means right?  Yep, it's time to worship the most beautiful thing ever created.  The female body!"

Then I needed a snack.  ....... You know what that means right? 

"Yep it's time to worship the most beautiful thing ever created.  The female body!

I've got lot's on my mind and it's been building up for months.  I think I'll get back to this blog now because I actually miss blathering on for no goddamn reason whatsoever.  Honestly, one email made me think that it was time and I thank tankgirl1988 for that.  Yeah, she recently read the whole blog.  Every post.  She was kind and brutal all in one anonymous package that came in a series of emails.

Anyway, I have two images for you tonight:

First:  Wow!  She looks really hot!  Oh, and she's sweating too.  My tongue and other very important parts are tingling.




I'm thinking if I sat on that chair, in a very rigid upright position, she could straddle and ride me like a cowgirl could.  Oh, that brings up the cowgirl position, which brings up the reverse cowgirl position, which gets me all worked up.  I won't go into it, use your damn imagination.




Trik out.

Great conversation

You ever have a conversation that makes you realize there is nothing to add because the other person says everything that matters?

It's very enlightening.  And so is this pic, it's enlightening and it makes me realize it's time to put my tongue back in my pants.

Trik out.

Hi All!

Hey all!  Life comes goes changes and flips and flops and takes a break.  I've been breaking and contemplating.

I think I'm coming back to pester you with thoughts that matter to no one but the idiot who speaks to me when I'm not speaking to myself.

First, a pic for you:

A wise man once said this:

The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve change amid order.

To celebrate my return, another pic:

Trik out.

Almost back

I've obviously been on an extended break ... I'll be back soon ... in the meantime, I'll offer this:

Trik out.

A long, long time ago

It was sophomore year of college and I shared a two bedroom apartment with 3 other guys, all good friends.  We were all major screw-ups in our own way.

The two screw-ups relevant to this story:

• Trik:  Way more interested in sports than school and no clue what he wanted to be when he grew up.  Changed majors for a second time within a year, magically turning a four year degree into five
• Marshall:  Good looking guy who loved to drink his face off to the point of being targeted by women of all kinds.  He was always too hammered to land the good ones. Marshall often woke up wishing either he or the woman next to him died last night

We all partied hard the night before.  The night included at least three house parties and culminated with beer bongs at the Rugby house. It was stumbling distance from home, thank all get out for that. 

I'm not sure if I was hung or still drunk when I wandered half naked into the living room the next morning to assess the damage from the after party.  I saw her.  Half naked, passed out on the couch, drooling all over the hell. It wasn't long before Marshall wandered out of the bathroom to do the same assessment.  He didn't like what he saw.  A conversation ensued.

• Trik: You did her on our couch didn't you?
• Marshall: Ya

• Trik: Man that sucks.  Bodily fluids on the couch sucks Marshall
• Marshall: I know

• <My head hurt.  My balls did too, but that's a story for another day>

• Trik: You found a way to get size 18 jeans back on her size 22 body, why is she topless?
• Marshall: No, it's not like that

• Trik: Oh?  spill it then
• Marshall: She had to puke, and she didn't want to wake you guys
• Marshall: She put her jeans on and went outside to puke

• Trik: And you didn't lock the door when she was out ruining the shrubs?
• Marshall: Didn't think of that
• Trik: Good luck getting into NASA

• <Yes, Marshall did want to be an astronaut.  He was trying to get into the Air Force>

• Trik: You realize she's a biker chick right?
• Marshall: Ya
• Trik: Where'd you end up last night?
• Marshall: The Brass Rail

• <A boatload-of-a-buttload-of-gutter-slop sort of a place in Superior, WI, just across a bay from Duluth, MN where we lived.  Bikers owned this place except Tuesdays when the college kids took over for $0.75 pitchers with a shot of Everclear for an additional buck.  Drop the Everclear in the pitcher and ya got clear-beer!  Good stuff.  Last night, however, was owned by the bikers since it was a Saturday night>

• Trik: You got drunk in a biker bar, brought home a chick the bikers obviously didn't want, and you did her on our couch?
• Marshall: Uhhuh,  Ya
• Trik: Good luck with the crabs man.

• Marshall: I messed up.  What should I do?

• Trik: Wake her up and drive her home, NOW
• Trik: Help her with her shirt first

• Marshall: Ok, and?
  

<And this is where I say something that followed me for the balance of my college career, amongst the guys anyway, thanks to the other screw-ups being around by now>

• Trik: Don't pick up flat chested fat chicks, it's a worst case scenario.

I was young and probably still drunk from the night before.  I love breasts of all shapes and sizes and the beautiful women that have them.  Please don't take offense ladies.

Here is a pic for your thoughtful review:

Trik out.

Hopes For The New Year

I touched base with JT over gchat the other day.  We talked some biz and then I asked:

Trik:  What are your hopes for 2008 JT?

JT:  i want to be less of a jackass in 2008 than i was in 2007. i want to love my people more than last year.  i want more movies, more sex, more meaningful moments. more important things in my life like stuff that makes a difference in the overall flickr story of my life

Trik: Amen brother.

I have nothing more to add.  Except for this:

Trik out.

Happy New Year!

Have a blast, ring in the new year, stay safe!

Trik Out.

New Years Resolution Prep

I'm not committing to any of this yet.  It's only the 30th, I've got time.  Let's call it a work in progress.

My New Years Resolutions:  A Working Draft.

1. I will not use duct tape on any of my animals for my entertainment and enjoyment
2. I will not use duct tape on Xena to put her in a compromising position for any purpose including my, uhm, gratification
3. I will never try and fix a Christmas tree with duct tape again. (Learned this one the hard way, Xena is still pissed off about that)
4. I will buy fire insurance next year even though I don't plan on mixing electricity, a Christmas tree, a waterfall, and duct tape again
5. Concerning items one and two, velcro and handcuffs are also out of the question
6. Concerning items three and four, I will not purchase any duct tape this year
7. Concerning item 6, I will not complain that duct tape has been eradicated from the home
8. I will not take the wrong bag and drop it off for Toys For Tots and leave my wife holding the bag with toys for a woman who wants something entirely different

I have much more work to do.  I haven't even touched on setting the shed on fire.   Or running over the recycle bin.  Or losing a Koi (Yeah, a  4 pound fish man!) while my wife was away on business.

(seriously, all that is a joke except for item 8 and the shed and Koi, and the recycle bin) 

But hey, what's a post from me without a decent shot of a fine woman?

Trik Out.

Christmas thoughts ...

I received some advice yesterday from someone that has opinions and offers guidance that I value greatly. They took the time of year to expound and expand a bit and gave me some thoughts to consider.

Some were quite deep and I'll need some time to sort them out, one of the more obvious ones was this:  You run with a lower crowd when you tell people to have sex with stumps.  You are better than that and need to come to terms with it.

The stump thing was a bit much.  I hereby apologize for that.  I'm sorry savior.  I shoulda just went to bed.  My friend brought up a few other thoughts that I took to heart.

Here's to people that matter and how they can make a difference in your life.  And here is to Christmas!

Here is a pic for the day that I am blatantly borrowing from Becky.  I suspect she borrowed it from someone else.  I liked it.  It twinkles.

Oh, and this is nice too!

Merry Christmas All!

Trik out.

I shoulda just went to bed

A guy sent me a note the other day.  He was eloquent and thoughtful.  He had thought out his question and done some work to make his point.  He'd mined my posts and cited various phrases and contexts I'd written about.

The sanitized version of his question was:

Do you think you're doing the world a service or a disservice with this stuff?

I'm willing to contemplate such questions.  So I thought about it.

What I'm about to do will probably mean that if I ever want to advertise again, it'll be a crap shoot over a single word that has never been uttered on this blog.  So be it.

Let me add that Mr. Well Spoken was also caustic and downright fingernails on chalkboard annoying at the end of his otherwise well thought out argument.  His tone and declarations didn't sit well with me.

My answer is this:

GO FUCK A STUMP, LOSER.

He calls himself savior444.

Trik out.

Long-Haul Courtship

This was inspired by a dream that brought back long past people and times.  Let's talk long-haul courtship.

Ya know, I wrote this thing out and realized it sucked some flavor of monkey ball sweat.  So I wrote it out again.  It turned out closer to essence of snake shit scented candles.  So here ya go, compressed thought bullets.  I know you have been holding your breath for some of my sharp-witted prose (I seriously doubt that and/or your sanity), but I am failing hard at writing sharp-witted anything.  So be it.

Long Haul Courtship:

• Guy has a great friend in high school
• She's everything he wants in a girl, but is unavailable
• Since he can't have her he cultivates the friendship
• He becomes "that guy", "a friend"
• He's safe in her eyes, since he's "a friend"
  

• High school ends and they wander off to separate colleges
• They stay in touch with phones and whatever
• They travel to spend a weekend together sometimes
• Separate beds though, they're "just friends"
  

• He wants her more than his next breath
• He wants her more than the multitude of girls throwing themselves at him on a weekly basis
• He wants her partly because she is so hot it hurts
  
• He wants her because he connects with her on a level unmatched by all others
  
• He wants her because he's wanted her for years and can't let go
  

• She may or may not have the same feelings
• How the hell would he know?  He's one of those guys, he's "a friend"
  

• She's been unavailable all this time because she has been dating the guy voted: Most likely to be a loser for life
• She marries the guy, you aren't invited because she was forbidden to invite any of "those guys", the guys who are "just friends"
• Nine months later she's divorced and moves to Hong Kong with her family
   
• He never hears from her again but often wonders what she did with her life and whether she ever had feelings for him beyond "just friends"
  

• Let's assume for a minute (humor him for a goddamn minute please) that she doesn't leave the hemisphere and gets back in touch
• Eventually occasional drinks and coffees get him going again
  

• Eventually he's going to broach the subject of them being more than friends
• He's not going to come out and say that he wants to introduce her to the new wiz-bang jungle gym trapeze apparatus he has in his basement that has no use beyond incredibly hot acrobatic sex acts
• Nope
• He's going to say something lame like:  "I was thinking that I like you more than "just friends", and I think I want more than friendship.  What do you think?"
• Her name was Sandy.  That was a long time ago and to the best of my knowledge she never returned from Hong Kong.

If you go with the "what if she didn't leave the hemisphere?" idea, this would be an example of an extended courtship.  It might have taken years and years.  It was either going to blow up in his face and drive her away or it was going to work, but he would eventually figure out that if he didn't make a move he'd always wonder what might have happened.  More importantly, he had come to the point that the risk of driving her away was less than the risk of never finding out what may have been if he only had a set of balls and stepped up to plate and thrown them into the game.

There is a firm on the west coast that I have in mind right now.  A long haul courtship and it's come time to throw the balls in or leave the hemisphere.  They are my Sandy.  I'll worry about all that after the first of the year.

Ok ok, I get it, enough about balls.  How about one hell of an ass?  I like the female ass, it's one of the best things in life.  It's the best curve nature has produced.

Trik out.

PS:  By Long-Haul courtship, I'm obviously talking about things from his perspective and she is likely oblivious to the whole deal.  The mind is a powerful thing and guys can use it for all kinds of things including denial and fabrication.

Extending Your Life With Boobs!

I was feeding my addiction.  It's something I do daily to stave off the inevitable.  The inevitable is insanity.  Yes, I was scouring every available news source for any news, all news, all the time.  I sometimes think this addiction is a curse, but the consequences of failing to feed it are worse.  I'd be a lump of warm jelly laying on the floor waiting for my dog to lap me up or Xena to clean me up.  I don't want to feed my dog's addiction to extra food or burden Xena with a mess, so I feed my addiction.

I was digging deep into the RSS news feeds, man, that's a sorry statement isn't it?  Whatever.  I ran across this fabulous story. Before you roll your eyes and say to yourself: "Trik is talking about boobs again",  I'll say that this story talks about research published in the New England Journal of Medicine. I figure if anyone in the medical research community is qualified to talk about boobs, this journal must be.  It's an upstanding publication and now has a higher standing in my mind.  Hell, they talked about boobs.

So what did they say?

I'm gonna hit you straight up with the money shot:

Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There's no question: Gazing at large breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half." said Weatherby, who even recommended that men aged over 40 should spend at least 10 minutes daily admiring breasts sized "D-cup" or larger.

Is that gold or what?  Hell, that's platinum!  "Honey, I'm staring at her magnificent breasts because I want to be here for you longer. "

Ok, money shot number two:

She said that this was as healthy as going to the gym for 30 minutes daily and prolonged a man's life by five years.

"We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years." said Weatherby.

There ya go.  Staring at the beautiful women on my blog extends your life.  You're welcome!  Well, if you like women at least.

What about those that like men?  I suspect the theory holds.  Now, maybe it's not gonna hold if you women only stare at a guy's chest.  But there are triggers.  To quote someone I consider a friend, maybe you should be staring at this:

He is 6ft tall, has a gorgeous smile, green eyes, six pack, broad shoulders…he is extremely intelligent, funny, ambitious, and driven. He loves sports, the outdoors, classical music, theater and the Opera. He can handle himself in a crowded room of women or a crowded room of cut throat business men.  He is charming, witty, romantic, sensitive and positively manly all wrapped into one.  He can dance and loves to cook.  He is also the type of man who is not intimated by, but rather absolutely nuts about strong, independent, beautiful and driven women.

That might seem a bit out of context for some of you women.  Just plug in your dream guy attributes and extend your life.  Remember this though, you need to dedicate 10 minutes daily to reap the extra 4-5 years of life!

If you want to read the article, even though I pretty much covered as usual, here it is.

And now to extend your life.  Recommendation:  30 minutes  (For the guys, sorry ladies)

Here are two for ya:

Trik out.

Credit:  Ann, she knows who she is.

Savory

I decided I'd write something for Trik's Gulch tonight and didn't know where I'd go.  This is the norm in recent months.  I did the normal thing and fired up some music (Bad Religion and Van Halen next) and opened up Google Docs. 

I stared at the screen.  It's a pretty white that soothes for about eight seconds and then annoys.  It starts screaming that my post ain't gonna write itself.  Some time later, I realized this wasn't such a great idea.  What am I gonna write about, a wonderful day of NFL football?  My nephew's recent 180 degree turn from good kid to a court date with five charges in January?  World Politics and the effect of a weak dollar and $100 crude oil?  Hmmm.  The choices seem so savory.

Ahaaah.  A thought.  Savory is a good word.  Sex is savory.  I should write about sex.  It's been a while since I alluded to Barry White induced orgasms, or Love Honey sex toys, or women modeling the C-String in my kitchen.  Yes.  Sex.  That should be the topic.  No doubt.  I can do something with that. 

Now what?

Ok, crickets again.

Let's go with a list and a pic huh?

1. I was going to write about my first time, but hearing about a teenager getting it on with a minivan full of hot soccer moms (Twice) would probably bore you.  I already covered this in a letter to Penthouse Forum, it started something like this:  "I can't believe this happened to me, but ..."
2. Did you know that women hit their sexual peak in later in life than men do? 
   
3. Morning wood can be a great way to start the day.
4. Guys must learn the ABCs.  Let your actions be driven by her feedback.
5. Pillow companies should advertise the fact that a single pillow, placed under certain hips is one of the best sex aids ever invented. Think sliced bread for sex.
6. If me and my wife were having problems getting pregnant and needed to visit a clinic I'd be given visual aids.  Could be videos or magazines or whatever.  This is because men are wired more visually than most women.  So why can't we ditch this stigma of beautiful images of female bodies?  Sure eliminate victimization, but bajeezus, it's wired that way and society shouldn't be so damn uptight about it. 

Something sexy here:

Trik out.

PS:  As for the minivan and my beloved soccer moms ... dreaming, never happened.

We Draw Lines, But Where?

I've been off doing some kind of Shamen shit.  To you that means I haven't had the spark to bother you.  I found a breather and so I'm back to being that annoying wet spot you both love and hate but cannot avoid.

Where does free speech/expression run into problems with the state of today's society and technology?  How is it integrating into an online culture where any dick (me) can publish absolutely anything I want at will?  I don't know the answer to that question, but what if I could?

<Time machine takes us back to the 1980s>

Trik and everyone within earshot takes a massive power snow packed bong slam ... oh, the way that Columbian expanded in the lungs was a feeling to behold, a feeling that has sparked entire civilizations into expansion or extinction. "Hey, dude ass, should we consider the consequences of technology on free speech man?  Oh, and who stole my Doritos?"

<Time machine returns us to present day>

But I ask this:  What if someone told me that children were seeing and reading adult material on my blog?

I'd say: "damn that sucks".  But as a ten year old I was digging in dumpsters. 

Haha you'd say.  No, I was.  I had started a beer can collection.  That was the deal back then for me and my friends.  When we weren't trying to find out how to break bones by jumping our bikes over bigger and  bigger things, we were relishing the score of some poor schmuck's decision to throw out his rare beer cans and dump his 'girlie' magazines.  Those T&A mags taught us a buttload about life and girls and sex.  Major score for us.  And guess what ... me and my friends turned out ok.  Well, two are dead and only three did prison time, but the other two are fine today.  (I'm kidding, all of us turned out fine).

So what is the line?  Should I concern myself with an image like the one below if I know that there are roughly eight Billion other places that they can see so much more and read so much more about sex?  Here is the image that spurred my thoughts:

Cheers to DG for pushing the envelope and sparking a thought ...

Trik out.

Does It Take A Monkey Or What?

Here is the money shot from a reader:

Trik, you've been silent for a while.  Get off  your ass and post something ya loser.

There are times I get called stuff (daily, actually), sometimes it's my internal voice, sometimes I'm graced with the thoughts of others.  So Be It.  I've been desensitized.

I've been thinking about pontificating my ass off for a while.  Nothing has moved from mental ramblings to a post.

Here are some of my recent ideas:

• Kid Rock rules. His new disc speaks for itself.
• Kim Kardashian looks good in the latest Playboy, but she looks bottom heavy, and that's with the Playboy Photoshop fanboy machine working full tilt.
• Xena tells me that I talk in my sleep when I'm having bad dreams.  If I blabber on long enough, will I re-create all of Shakespeare's works, or does that only apply to monkeys and keyboards?
  
• Wouldn't it be great if people looking to bring a 'product' to market shaped their product to the market rather than trying to shape the market to the product?
• Fred Thompson has the whole father figure thing going, but I'm already bored with the election cycle.  A bunch of talking monkeys so far.
• My left nut hurts sometimes, but only when my cat jumps on it, is that a problem?
• Does the left nut thing improve my chances of re-creating Shakespeare or should I join Second Life as a monkey, with a keyboard, and a lot of time?
   

Ok, well I suppose there is more going on inside my head than all that.  Not really.

This doesn't suck though:

Trik out.

Things To Do, And Excuses

I get invited to do things.  Here are some examples:

• Hey, I'm getting a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame, can you come and celebrate? 

(I'm dreaming, never happened)

• Hey, we're taking the jet to Paris to party, my treat, can you come? 

(I'm dreaming, never happened)

• Hey, I don't think my brazilian is clean enough.  After my Playboy photo shoot, could I get your opinion?

(I'm dreaming, never happened)

• Hey baby, my boss is insisting we go over to his house to show we like him and his idea of a trophy wife.  You're coming. 

(Happened recently)

And some of my excuses:

• Sorry, I need to clean, shave, wax, and polish my driveway.
• Sorry, I'm going to be slamming my balls in a door.  Delicate operation, timing is everything.
• Sorry, my tin foil hat is too crinkled to properly reflect the alien intrusions.  I must fashion another.
• Oh shoot, I promised I'd broker a deal with Iran on the whole nuclear thing, it's kind of important.

I found a new excuse recently.

Sorry, I can't make it.  I must balance some rocks.

A much better use of a rock:  weather reporting.

And now something softer than a rock, but still firm.

Trik out.

I Just Know

Sometimes ya just know.  Like right now for instance.  I just know.  I know this post is going to be all over the map.  It's a state of mind that is something akin to fate.  Shit happens, and nothing can be done, and so ... shit happens.

For what it's worth, I'm listening to a band called Will And The Kill. This is from way back.  1988 or so.  Another awesome band that came and went, and I'm probably the last guy on the planet that still listens to their one and only CD.  I saw these guys live in a dive in Superior Wisconsin.  I almost got my ass kicked that night.  I know what you're thinking.  Trik drank his face off and screwed the pooch in some monkey effing a muddy football sort of way.  No, I was trying to help a crying girl find her boyfriend.  Unfortunately, we found her boyfriend's friends first.  They got the wrong idea.  I got the hell outta there, barely.  Five Texans vs. Me is a no-win deal in my book.  I'm sure college taught me that, maybe it was an Econ class, not sure. 

Before I get on to other stuff, I want to take a second to give Wil Wheaton props for this quote.

Exactly how one person can be responsible for this much awesome can only be proved using an advanced form of quantum physics, the results of which can unfortunately never be observed.

If someone said that about me I could die a happy and satisfied man.

Ok, I'm liking this quote stuff.  Here is another from Ted Dziuba at www.uncov.com  in the article Non Threatening White People All Up In This.

I tell you what, though - you want to give your kid a leg up? Read him bedtime stories from Kernighan and Ritchie. If you don't know what that is, it's time for you to leave the Uncov Internets and go back to the TechCrunch Internets.

Only old school programming types will get that K&R reference.  Only those aware of the Michael Arrington shitstorm will get the TechCrunch reference.  So be it.

Here is a graphic I got from a trusted adviser who was trying to help me put things in perspective. It fits with some of my own experiences.

A while back I posted this image that drove home my love for guerrilla marketing.  It seems Kingfisher stomped on Jet Airways.

And now, Go Air stomps on Kingfisher.  Gotta love it.

How about some beauty?

Random thoughts:  (very random)

• How in the heck are the Rams getting 10 against the Ravens tomorrow?  Yeah, the Ravens will win, but 10?  Who has lost their mind?  Besides me I mean?
• I have this one long wiry gray left eyebrow hair.  My hair genius, Janet, can clip it.  I can yank it.  If I don't do something it'll grow so long it pokes my eyeball.  I can try napalm or some sort of targeted tactical nuke.  Water torture doesn't work.  Nothing works. It comes back and I want to scream.  Why is that?
• Why is it that I turn to the news to learn about what goes on in the world and I learn that Ms. Spears was getting out of a car wearing a short skirt, commando, again?  I'm sick of this.
• Why do people claim to be entrepreneurs and have "co-founders" and yet have absolutely nothing to show for it but a blog and an idea they cannot articulate.  I hear that stuff and ask to see what they have.  I get lots of answers.  None worth the time it took to hear.  I politely excuse myself and think: You have a nice little club and some friends.  Good for you.

Trik out.

Life's Temptations

I've had a bunch of real life going on lately, but it's Sunday night and what the hell.

Sunday nights aren't my favorites.  I rarely sleep well on Sundays and it's usually because of one or both of these:

1. Another week went by and I didn't get it all done
   
2. I have a helluva lot of shit to get done this coming week
   

It has become comical, partly because it's so damn predictable and partly because it's so damn unavoidable.

Anyway, I had a conversation the other night.  It was about a forum I've been involved with for a long time.  I've been very active in this forum at times and have dropped into lurker mode at other times.

King moderator of this forum is JT.  JT got in touch and here is how it went ...

JT:  there has been talk lately of some changes around here
Me: Yeah, gonna clean up the hole some? 

<The hole is a sub-forum, one of many on this site>

JT:  something like that
Me: What would this be? The 4 billionth time?

JT:  last check, just over 2 billion times.  don't exaggerate.
Me: Yeah right.

Me: What's on your mind?

JT: we're considering you to mod the hole - full moderator no restrictions
Me: I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.  It's ok, I choked it down

JT: can we be serious?
Me: ok, I'll try

JT: it could be temporary if you want.  if you like it you can make it what you want, otherwise consider it as a favor to me for a while
Me: so, you want to clear out the newbs and the jerk offs?

JT: especially the jerk offs and trolls - they are the most trouble
ME: I remember once just after I came around you called me the newly anointed king of jerk offs, I loved that

JT: you were that at the time
Me: Yeah, I was a newb and loved pushing buttons

JT: you found a way to fit in - some liked your humor - not me though.  you bitch. lol
Me: At least I was never banned.  I sometimes feel left out on that.  BTW, yo momma so fat she shows up on Google earth.  :)

JT: that is it, two week ban.  lol

Me:  I'll think about it.  When do you need to know?
JT:  how about sometime next week?

Me:  Ok, I'll let ya know
JT:  the vote on this was 29-2. think about it

Me:  I bet your Google Earth (soon to be Google Solar System) momma and your pathetic gf were the two neg votes
JT: you should seek help - think it over

Me: Say hi to Jess, tell her she's cool
JT: will do. i'm sure she will say hi back

<Jess is JT's gf and she is cool, I don't know and have never seen JT's momma, but you can never go wrong with fat momma jokes>

Yes, I was doing my best to be a juvenile, but JT an I both enjoy the lamest of lame humor.  It's an art form.

So, on the one hand I can say no to this.  On the other hand I can die in a grease fire while undergoing a root canal administered by a Nazi pain researcher with last stage Parkinsons on 8 pots of coffee and a boatload of high test amphetamines, all while riding in a four wheeler with bad shocks crossing the Baja desert.

Hmmm.  Still thinking on that one.  Sounds tempting so far.  I should indeed seek help.

So, what would get me in a better mood on a Sunday night or any waking or dreaming moment?

Walking into the bedroom to find something like this might:



Trik out.

PS:  I'll be back soon, got more to say

Who is Who Online Anyway?

I'm always looking out for good pics.  It's one of the many things I do.  I distinctly remember saving a beautiful image of a red rose perfectly placed between a woman's breasts.  We'll start with the important part.  To loosely quote Seinfeld:  "They were real, and they were spectacular!". 

The petals on this red rose were the perfect expression of softness and curvature.  I'm certain they were real and I know they were spectacular!  Oh, and the breasts were quite nice too!  I've lost my mind lately and so that image is lost and is probably pasted to my ass right now.  Nothing I can do about that.

So, we need to use our imagination people.  Imagine the rose pictured here between the fabulous breasts, also featured here.  I know you can do it.  Power of the mind people!

A single rose is important to this pathetic story:

Sweetie met Prince of Joy online.  Sweetie was typing away in an internet cafe and the Prince was typing from work.  Both were in miserable marriages and obviously looking for something.

They got along well and things escalated.

Sweetie was quoted as saying:   

"I had found the love of my life. The way this Prince of Joy spoke to me, the things he wrote, the tenderness in every expression was something I had never had in my marriage.  It was amazing, we seemed to be stuck in the same kind of miserable marriages"

Prince of Joy was quoted:

"I was so happy to have found a woman who finally understood me."

Eventually they decided to meet in real life.

Sweetie:

"We arranged to meet outside a shop and both of us would be carrying a single rose so we would know the other."

Sweetie:

"When I saw my husband there with the rose and it dawned on me what had happened I was shattered. I felt so betrayed. I was so angry."

Prince of Joy:

"To be honest I still find it hard to believe that the person, Sweetie, who wrote such wonderful things to me on the internet, is actually the same woman I married and who has not said a nice word to me for years."

Doesn't take a rocket science flunky to figure out what happens now.  Yep!  They're getting a divorce.

Full Story, though I pretty much covered it.

Credit:  I saw this story covered in a bunch of places.  But I'm gonna give credit to a great guy Howard (ob81).  If you're into "All things Apple, Tech, and Social Networking", check out Howard's main blog: The Home Of ob81.

Trik out.

PS:  I get a picture of what people read, what tool their using, and when they read it.  Many thanks to whoever loaded Sexy Strings many hundreds of times times yesterday in less than an hour.  The additional 40 or so loads of Curves was a nice touch too.  You are one dedicated stat bouncer.  I applaud your stamina.  You must be a monster in bed!  :)  Get some sleep and check back tomorrow please.  I might even go back to a CPI ad system if ya keep it up.  Oh wait, that would most certainly doom me to eternal Google hell.

Quarterbacking 101

True Story.

It's me against him.  One of us wins and one of us loses.  Me?  I'm Trik, the guy who occasionally wastes your time on this blog.

Him?  A menacing beast that is a half inch long and looks like a deadly spider when sitting on a wall, and like an attack helicopter when he uses his stealth wings.

Xena and I were watching this prosthetic jackoff to eruption sequence that marks the high point of HBO's recent addition to the 'pushing the envelope' category.  The show is called "Tell Me You Love Me".  My jury is not in on this one, but I'll give it a chance since HBO has such a great track record on original series.  Back to the fly though:

Xena:  What is that?
Trik:    A deadly spider, obviously

<Spider takes a zoom around the living room using stealth wings and lands back on the wall>

Trik:    Oh crap, it's an aerial attack spider
Xena:  Relax, it's just a fly

Trik:  I'm gonna have to take it out you know
Xena:  Yeah right .... <laugh>  <laugh>  <annoying laugh>  <more annoying laugh>

This is where I reach into the ammo bin.  The ammo bin is a box that has various cat toys.  You know, the shit people insist on giving our cats for Christmas?  Our cats would play with a wood splinter or wayward bottle cap before they'd ever pay attention to an actual cat toy, go figure. 

Anyway, the ammo bin has balls.  Some hard, some soft.  The types of things that they're supposed to bat around on the floor looking all kitty cute and shit.  They don't care about the toys in the ammo bin. But I do.  I use them in various ways.  Pretty much to gently encourage our cats get off tables or not jump on my crotch.  That kind of stuff.

<Trik arms himself with a cute, hard, ball that has a nice little effing bell in it.  I love the sound when that one strikes a target.>

Trik:  I AM GONNA TAKE THAT DEADLY STEALTH SPIDER OUT
Xena:  <Giggle, giggle>  Sure, you go Trik.  No Chance!   

Trik:  You aren't aware of my quarterbacking skills.

<Trik fires.  Splat.  jingle jingle.>

By Xena's estimation that stealth spider was fifteen feet away from the chair I was sitting in.  And also by Xena's estimation, it's dead as dead can be.

SCORECARD

• Trik:  1
• Stealth Spider:  Dead

Trik out.

PS: I was more amazed than Xena on my quarterbacking skills. 

Resuming Normal Broadcasting

I'm still here and with a new look for Trik's Gulch.

I have more to tweak, but I've ditched the tired look that has been a hallmark of Trik's Gulch for months.

My goals were:

• Cleaner look 
  
• Guest blogger chick (her words not mine)
• Nuke miscellaneous crap
• New and updated direction

Part of that was a move to either Advanced Templates on Typepad or going straight to Wordpress.  Both efforts failed due to my lack of time and patience right now.  I'll revisit this in the future, but for now we'll sit at a middle ground and be damn happy about it.  OK?  I'm doing my best on this.  :)

Back to the plan though:

• Cleaner look, Check!
• Guest blogger chick, well, maybe!
• Nuke miscellaneous crap, Check!
• New and updated direction, well we'll see where I go next, not sure myself

So I came up with a new look using what I have available (Typepad).  I was happy with the new look.  It was silver, gray and deep blue, with a little white here and there.  I consulted one of my closest advisers, Xena, and it went like this:

Her:  It's cold. You need some warmth
Me:   Ok, you think I should go with earth tones huh?
Me:   Browns, Greens, that sort of stuff?
Her:  Yes
Me:   Ain't gonna happen

Her:  How about Eggplant and Sunflower?
Me:   WTF?  I was asking about colors not plants
Her:  Oh, and throw in some Manila
Me:   And envelopes?  Hmmm.

I decided giving it a try couldn't hurt, so that's how the new color scheme came about.  Eggplant, Sunflower, and Manila.  Go figure.  I'll never get it, but I thought it was cool looking in a "Groovy Man!" sorta way and went with it.  Plus, I had Vikings on the brain since they trounced the Falcons today 24-3 and Eggplant is kinda like purple.

It seems that it's a look that people will either like or hate.  It'll be interesting to see what you all think.

I'll resume a regular posting schedule and I'm not sure where we'll go with it, but for now I'll probably do what I always do and see if it evolves in some unexpected way.  And stay tuned for a female voice here, it still might happen, I'm hoping so.

I better leave you all with an image that matters.  To this one I say: 

The very last piece of clothing is always the best.

Trik out.

An Update and A Thought

Triksgulch Update:

Some of the changes I'm working on are not going at the pace I'd like.  I thought things would move faster and since they haven't, I decided I better post something, and as I was thinking that, something was bugging me.

Something Was Bugging Me:

I've been playing with a new social networking site lately. I've met some great people and had some fun.  It's a very useful site in many ways and I like becoming part of a growing community that seems to have goals like mine.

Some of the things I've loved about this site so far are:

1. No Negativity
2. No Drama
3. No Trolls
4. An Acceptable amount of spam to content ratio

Tonight a guy posted something that led to a thread that obliterated items 1-3 on my loved list.

First he decided that he'd go public with his personal issues with certain people and why (in a very demeaning way).  Then he publicly ridiculed some of his targets for all to see, doing his best to humiliate them.  He had people practically begging not to fall in his cut list.

Many respondents in the thread cheered him on.  Why?  Because it was entertaining as hell.  I admit it was entertaining, but that doesn't make it right.

There is no reason to go public on that stuff unless you're shooting for some bullshit goal.  Yep, he's gloating that he now owns the longest thread so far.  And that he had such great support, and that very few questioned his actions.

How can one note do all that you ask?  Well, given the response to his original note, I'd say this is the an indication of what's to come for this site.  Guess what?  I've seen it before.  I thought this place would be different, I bet I was wrong on that.

I was appalled by the people who supported this guy and some people I respect greatly for not calling him on it earlier in the thread.  I came in late to the thread and gave my thoughts in the most diplomatic way I could given that my day had turned to shit by that point for unrelated reasons. 

Trik Out.

Exciting Stuff

I've been thinking about making some changes with this blog lately.  This has been brewing for a while and an off the cuff conversation cemented it for me.

Change is good right?

First off: I'm gonna go to a different format.  I'm probably nuking the ads and making some other cuts that make sense.  I'm going to go to a cleaner format that I can live with.  Trik's Gulch is downright ugly and that's because I neglected it.  Gonna change that.

Secondly:  I'm a fraction of a millimeter away from a great sell job.  Yep, somehow she has almost decided to throw caution to the wind and join Trik's Gulch as a blogger.  She'll be offering a female perspective and I think we'll all be reaping the rewards on that one.

Third:  If you were to go back in the timeline, you'd figure out that this blog was just a rant based on whatever I was thinking about. Somewhere along the line it migrated to T&A and other stuff. That's probably going to change again.  This is the hardest part.  I have readership, you guys and extremely hot chicks have stuck with me through it and driven me to write something now and then.  Change is good right?  For me it's change or kill it, and I don't want to kill the blog.  I love Trik's Gulch and it has been a great vehicle for me to learn and grow.  Now is the time to take another step.

I still love images though.  So here ya go!

She might be wearing too much, maybe she's just very hot.  Oh yeah.  She's very hot alright.

 

Very Sincerely,
Trik out.

Miss Helsinki Connection

There have been a few posts in the Miss Helsinki category and so that's a place to look if you're lost on this one.  I'm not sure it's worth it though.  The category:  Graffiti!

This one has been sitting around for a while because I was hoping Miss Helsinki would realize there is a problem.  A big problem.

We have a breakdown in communication here.

1. I don't speak French, never did, probably never will. She switched from broken English to French in her latest emails.  Strike One.
2. Communication was one sided because she would email me using an anonymizer that bounced my replies.  Her new address is also bouncing. Strike Two.
3. Then we have the part where I never got her connection to Toronto or me, but I thought I did at one point.  I did some research and things didn't add up.

Strike Three.  You know what that means right?  You're out man!

I'll put up her last two images anyway because I like seeing my moniker on the walls of various places in Toronto.





Left turn now, I mean right now.

Let's talk about composition.  Example:  Pink frilly lace could drive armies to conquer rival civilizations.  On the other hand, pink frilly lace can look silly and downright objectionable.  Think about your prom date guys.  Some of you will get that.  It's all in the framing.  The composition.

Here is an example of a composition that could drive armies to conquer rival civilizations:



If ya ever figure it out Miss Helsinki, please get in touch.  I have a few questions.

Trik out.

Groovy Dancing Girl #2

After watching this video I thought others would like it.  I posted it elsewhere and got many kudos.  I was right about others liking it.

At first it might seem like silly drivel, especially if you're not into house music.  But give Groovy Dancing Girl some time.  I think both Groovy and Bandy Toaster have plenty of talent.  Oh, and Justice rocks too.

My favorite move is at 1:23 (or 3:31 if you watch directly on youtube) when she does a quick base riff.

The music: 
Band: Justice
Album: Cross
Song: Phantom



Special thanks to Tyrun who has this very cool blog:

Creativity Unleashed: The Blog

Tyrun turned me on to the latest Groovy Dancing Girl Video.

Trik out.

Body Art

A while back Conan and Zelda sent me an awesome image.  It was one I could build a series of posts on.  The subject was going to be Body Art.  Specifically, Tats. 

I gathered some other images and tried to come up with an angle a few times.  It went nowhere and that's a testament to my limitations.  That doesn't detract from the deal though, it was a great image and made me think and cringe at the same time.  That's saying something right there.

Let's have a round of applause for Conan and Zelda!  Here is the image they sent:



Since I couldn't seem to get my shit together on Tats, here is another offering in the body art department:



And this exquisite young lady told me she has a special tattoo in a very special place but I was too hypnotized by her necklace to care:



Special thanks to Conan and Zelda!
Trik out.

PS:  Keep the images coming all, I love them.

Curves

I was dicking around with a data set the other day.  It was an attempt to give my mind a work break without resorting to playing some game or getting lost in Wikipedia trying to figure out how I started with "data reduction techniques" and ended up 2 hours later with "the most popular novelty T-Shirt of 1985".

After eliminating some noisy data and cutting an appropriate slice, I noticed a repeating pattern.  I'd seen this before but I couldn't put my finger on when or where.  I was in the process of picking up Python and I wanted to be able to describe this repeating pattern mathematically so I could make really cool and completely useless graphs.  Ah, the joys of learning.

I turned to google first, which led me to porn.  That's what I get for searching for 'curves'.  I specified things a little better, which led me to MIT.  Cool place, but I couldn't find what I was looking for.  Finally, I ended up at Wikipedia and found it.  No, not the most popular novelty T-Shirt of 1985, but what I was looking for, the money quote:

A serpentine curve is a curve whose equation is of the form
x2y + aby - a2x = 0, where ab > 0. Equivalently, it has a parametric representation x = acot(t), y = bsin(t)cos(t). Serpentine curves were studied by L'Hopital and Huygens, and named and classified by Newton.

Here is Wiki's image of a serpentine curve:



I threw the equation into my program and took a look at what I had.  It wasn't quite right.  The problem was at about +2 on the horizontal axis in the above drawing.  I needed a bit of a tuck there and so the serpentine equation wasn't fitting the data quite right.  I thought about digging up a curve fitter I wrote back in the 90's but time was running short and I needed to get back to work.

I dug up this image instead.  It does a fantastic job of demonstrating the beauty of the serpentine curve and also certain parts of the female body.  Enjoy!



Trik out.

Geeks Are Cool

A genius once said:

"Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win."

Oops, that was Sun Tzu in The Art of War, not exactly what I was looking for.  hmmmm.  --regrouping now, talk amongst yourselves--  ....

Ok, here we go, a wise man once had this conversation with his son at conference related to sci-fi, comics, Star Trek, or something similar:

Son:  "You keep calling yourself a nerd," he said to me while we ate lunch, "but you're not a nerd. You're a geek." 

Dad:  "What's the difference?" I asked. 

Son:  "Nerds don't know they're nerds, but geeks know they're geeks, and they embrace it."

That was Wil Wheaton talking with his son Ryan.  Wil is an awesome story teller, but to get to his best story telling you sometimes have to find away through a bunch of supremely geeky stuff first. Eventually you'll happen upon a jewel that makes it worth it.  He hits the high notes when writing about his childhood, his current family unit, his fans, and all the cool stuff he does for a living these days.  If you don't know who Wil is, you might get it if I tell you he played Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation.  He now makes his living writing books, comics, public speaking, podcasting, and a bunch of other stuff like a Suicide Girls regular column called Geek in Review.  You can check his blog here, but I warned you that it can take time to find the jewels.  Actually, his latest post, at the time of this writing, is a coming of age tale for his son and himself.

There was a point here, --talk amongst yourselves--, oh yeah, I think geeks are cool.  I most likely hold that opinion because I've been called a computer geek, a math geek, a physics geek, a geek geek, and a very sexually intriguing geek.  Yep, I made that last one up, yep I did.  I find it funny nobody has called me a project management geek, or a tech management geek, or a business geek.  Stereotypes I guess.

There was a time when I thought I was a nerd.  Somewhere along the line I realized I was a geek and I embraced it.  Maybe because being geeky became cool, or maybe because I never had trouble getting laid, either way, I came to Ryan's conclusion.

So here are some images for geeks:

First:  Many geeks, including myself, love firefox, and so does this very fine young lady!



Second:  Apples used to be for education and artists.  They are now mainstream and also the choice of many geeks, including this very fine young lady:



Third:  For many Linux geeks, Ubuntu is the choice.  It's my choice.  And this very fine young lady's:



Fourth:  There isn't a geek on the planet that doesn't rely on Google to find docs, bug reports, fixes, advice, and images of very fine young ladies like this, and just look at that Google logo, excellent use of 3D effects:



Fifth:  This one has nothing to do with geeks ... but I really liked how she can sit on a rock!  Ok, now I'm all worked up.  Great. Wonderful.  Off to a cold shower for me:

Trik out.

PS:  The music tonight was Collective Soul's self titled album, Collective Soul.  This thing was in one CD player or another or an MP3 player for roughly the entire first year after I bought it.  Ya gotta be into some guitar and some serious power rock to like it, but if you like it, you'll love it.  It's not heavy metal or thrash or any of that, more like power progressive with an edge.  Take my word for it. Oh, and you'll hate it at low volumes, so you better turn it up bigtime!

Nice Story

Something a little different for today.

The other day I participated in an excellent thread on a site that is like a forum and like a chat room.

I wish I had details, like the original question, but searching is not this site's strong suit.  It's hard to find stuff that happened a few days ago without banging your head against the wall because it feels better than wandering through endless unnumbered pages of untagged stuff.

A friend of mine was the original poster and was able to dig up the response I want to talk about.  The question posed was something like: Post about your first kiss. 

The initial responses were good.  Then I chimed in with my unremarkable story.  This is a situation where you write off the cuff in a chat sort of way.  The thread was obviously a good one.  People were responding. Some with interesting stories, and some more like my response, standard uninteresting stuff.

And then a guy named Alvin chimed in.  I don't know Alvin, and since he isn't on my friends list, I didn't get a chance to request his permission to put this up.  I doubt he'll mind if he ever sees it.  If he did mind it'll need to go away, no worries on that.

That's the story.  A guy responds to the question: Tell us about your first kiss.  You must be wondering why I care about this and why you should read any more. 

The answer is that Alvin's story had an affect on me.  I can't put my finger on why, but it did.  Others came in later and said the same thing.  If I'm remembering correctly, one guy said he got teared up reading it.  Someone else said they read it over a couple of times. I'll put it up now and you can see what you think.

I was a really late bloomer. I had my first kiss when I was almost 18.  

I had a crush on one particular girl for most of my high school career. I remember thinking she was really cool because she had one of the first commericial CD-R drives in existence and I kept giving her stuff to burn for me. We would talk on ICQ (the "uh-oh!" sound still makes me light up to this day) and then when I would see her in school the next day she would give me a letter she had written with some perfume on it. Sometimes she would give me a little book she thought was interesting.  

In our British Literature class we acted out a scene where I was Macbeth and she was Lady Macbeth, and the teacher seemed to love it (I thought it was hilarious having two Koreans do Shakespeare). But that seemed to raise my esteem in her eyes even more. We hung out a lot. Her house was like a castle, which seemed really appropriate to me. She sometimes played the piano for me, or I would look at her massive library of books.  

Of course I fell completely for her. I guess it was beginning to become obvious to everyone and then I got the "let's just be friends" talk. I'm still trying to figure out to this day what kind of friend takes a book titled, "First Love" and spray perfume on it and gives it as a gift.  

I was telling this whole story to a close friend of mine as we watched the sunset on a bench near the beach. She suddenly leaned in, grabbed my head, and whispered, "I'll make you forget all about her," as she closed her eyes and kissed me.

               

Thanks Alvin.  Thanks Ann.

Trik out.